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The Chatterbox => Random Chat => Topic started by: Zakamiro on August 29, 2007, 12:35:00 AM

Title: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Zakamiro on August 29, 2007, 12:35:00 AM
Don't need two separate threads for this sheet, yo.


07/8/28-9:18p38 * noel23 has joined #S.net
07/8/28-9:18p39 * ChanServ sets mode: +v noel23
noel23 is bebekoh192@A69AFE28.47C5CBA3.7CDAC577.IP * chingkoyz
noel23 on #sex +#S.net
noel23 using Pothole.US.Phazenet.Com Finer Than A Frogs Hair
noel23 End of /WHOIS list.
07/8/28-9:18p47 -BoTbOt- Re: In west philadelphia born and raised. - http://www.spectere.net/smf/index.php?topic=46.msg925#msg925
07/8/28-9:18p56 <Zakamiro> what the hell
07/8/28-9:19p23 <Zakamiro> who da fuk r u?
07/8/28-9:19p23 <noel23> elow?
07/8/28-9:19p32 <noel23> awsss
07/8/28-9:19p37 <Zakamiro> elbo, nigger!
07/8/28-9:19p45 <Zakamiro> show me that fucking elbow sex
07/8/28-9:19p53 <noel23> zak, can i ask u something?
07/8/28-9:19p56 <Zakamiro> go for it
07/8/28-9:20p10 <noel23> do u play playstation in your PC?
07/8/28-9:20p20 <Zakamiro> yeah, but it's a tight fit
07/8/28-9:20p25 <Zakamiro> not much room inside the case
07/8/28-9:20p44 <noel23> u use ePSxe emulator?
07/8/28-9:20p45 <Zakamiro> the cd-rom drive jabs into my back
07/8/28-9:21p01 <Zakamiro> no, bleem
07/8/28-9:21p13 <noel23> ah.. ok
07/8/28-9:21p36 <noel23> i got a hard time searching for sony bios in the internet
07/8/28-9:21p58 <noel23> the file could scph7502.bin
07/8/28-9:22p03 <Zakamiro> yeah
07/8/28-9:22p12 <Zakamiro> who is your motherboard maker?
07/8/28-9:22p24 <noel23> asus, mainly?
07/8/28-9:22p30 <noel23> yeah asus
07/8/28-9:22p39 <Zakamiro> do you know how to reflash a bios?
07/8/28-9:22p58 <noel23> no idea bout that
07/8/28-9:23p23 <Zakamiro> ah
07/8/28-9:23p34 <noel23> do u have the file scph7502.bin?
07/8/28-9:23p53 <Zakamiro> no
07/8/28-9:24p13 <noel23> so, can u xplain how u play Ps on PC?
07/8/28-9:25p19 <Zakamiro> yeah
07/8/28-9:25p25 <Zakamiro> you need an iso of the disc
07/8/28-9:27p27 <noel23> yah, anyway tnx alot zak.. i owe u for this..such a great man
07/8/28-9:27p43 <Zakamiro> look on emuparadise.org
07/8/28-9:27p50 <Zakamiro> they have psx roms
07/8/28-9:27p55 <Zakamiro> the .iso files you need
07/8/28-9:29p26 <noel23> thx a lot man
07/8/28-9:29p29 * noel23 has left #S.net

Oh well, I was too nice to get him to reflash his BIOS. =\
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on August 29, 2007, 02:04:41 AM
Honestly, if someone asked about that, I'd just spam google.com. It's not worth it to even bother trying to fuck with those people.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Ulti on August 29, 2007, 02:20:46 AM
Haha, I was that and was like "what on earth are you talking about..."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on September 22, 2007, 09:10:26 AM
I was at my house with Tyler and Chad, and Tyler was describing a weird dream he had.

Tyler: "It was weird. I mean, all of my friends were there, so you were there, and you..."
Me: "Was there a scarecrow, a tin man, and a lion, too?"
Tyler: "...I hate you."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Zakamiro on September 22, 2007, 11:01:06 AM
classic. smart thinking
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on November 06, 2007, 11:12:27 PM
Me: So my Fedora 7 torrent finished downloading this morning.
Omar: Ahh, nothing like pirating music via bittorrent.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Danbo on November 06, 2007, 11:22:22 PM
For my Law course, my group had to debate music piracy and whatnot in front of the class. Me and my friend were stuck on the side defending the anti-piracy laws, so after a while I realized our side had no good points so I just sort of blurted something out.

Eric (guy on other side): Music should be available to everyone, at anytime.
Me: You know what? If you support making music available to everyone, then you're against the music industry. That means you hate capitalism, and if you hate capitalism, that makes you a Communist. And Communism is anti-Canadian. Is that what you are Eric, an industry-hating anti-Canadian Commie?

I wasn't being serious, and luckily most of the class picked up on that (except for this one Russian girl who really thought I was insulting her).
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on November 06, 2007, 11:58:04 PM
Wow, lmao. Nice. And lulz @ the russian chick.

I'm still amazed at how they deny that piracy helps the industry. There have been a number of studies showing various aspects of how piracy can actually help CD sales. Oh, and when the record companies say that CD sales are down, and chalk it up to piracy being high, here's something to think about: Piracy is not the only cause (or anywhere near a large contributer) to the decline in CD sales... I'm too tired to go into a larger rant now.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on November 24, 2007, 03:57:38 AM
I showed Omar a MBTI test.

[2:56:35 AM] slfkjdsfs says: damnit, so many of these questions are so damn vague
[2:56:37 AM] slfkjdsfs says: too many exceptions
[2:56:49 AM] slfkjdsfs says: they need a 'maybe'/'n/a'
[2:56:50 AM] slfkjdsfs says: answer
[2:57:17 AM] Kevin says: or maybe you're too indecisive
[2:57:21 AM] Kevin says: lulz
[2:57:25 AM] slfkjdsfs says: i've been listening to Semi-charmed life by Third eye blind for almost two hours straight now
[2:57:31 AM] slfkjdsfs says: i am not indecisive,
[2:57:32 AM] slfkjdsfs says: er, wait
[2:57:35 AM] slfkjdsfs says: oh, lol
[2:57:40 AM] Kevin says: hahaha
[2:57:41 AM] slfkjdsfs says: damnit
[2:57:59 AM] slfkjdsfs says: in the middle of typing that first sentence, i actually thought 'or am i?'
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on January 11, 2008, 10:56:51 PM
Me and Omar were having a mock conversation.
Omar: You're gay.
Me: No you're gay.
Omar: A gay man says "what".
Me: ...
Omar: What does he say, Ke- aw god damn it.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Ridge on January 13, 2008, 12:32:30 AM
*faggot kicking the back of my chair in some pattern*
Me: ok i don't need a new soulja boy song
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: dinnerroll on January 13, 2008, 02:19:03 AM
oh man if only i could post recorded convos from call of duty 4 on xbox live.

Our funniest moments consist of my friends and i engaging in racial disputes with very very black people that end up with a nonsensical amalgamation of us mocking them by shouting "you don't know me!" and "nigga please!" and them calling us honkeys and rednecks.

Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Milk Chan on January 20, 2008, 11:17:26 PM
One of my friends during band was talking to me after the guy who was giving a presentation on the UNR band asked if there was any questions and said "there's no such thing as a stupid question"...

Friend: Yes there is, I should just ask something really stupid like "WHAT ARE BUTTERFLIES MADE OUT OF?? ARE BUTTERFLIES MADE OUT OF BUTTA!?"
Me: *laughing*
Me: Or you should just be like "Is it true that if you don't 'use it' you 'lose it'?", then he'll ask if that's a serious question, and you just say "No. No it wasn't".

...

Also, uneventful convo clips with vlad:

[02:38] vladgd: for the most part, when i hear milkchan i think "o2jam"
[02:40] Oblivion: except i dont play o2jam anymore
[02:40] Oblivion: yall jus jealous dat i pwn at it
[02:41] vladgd: using thumb on spacebar = gay
[02:41] Oblivion: thats why everyone seems to hate it
[02:41] Oblivion: it's just a learning curve thing
[02:41] Oblivion: i sucked with space when i started
[02:41] Oblivion: but then i grew a dick
[02:41] Oblivion: and was like
[02:41] Oblivion: hey this is neat
[02:42] vladgd: my dick was too busy being fapped too
[02:42] vladgd: on tha interwebz
[02:42] vladgd: must be why
...
[03:03] vladgd: when i get job, i can get a place with a friend of mine and we can get kickass internets and stuff
[03:04] Oblivion: KICKASS INTERNETS
[03:04] Oblivion: sounds like
[03:04] Oblivion: a motivational poster
...
[03:21] vladgd: amusment parks in general, aint my cup o tea
[03:21] Oblivion: BLASPHEMY
[03:21] vladgd: much like a lot of things
[03:21] vladgd: im quite boring tbh
[03:23] vladgd: /bawww
[03:25] Oblivion: STOP BEIN BORING /advic
[03:33] vladgd: not much of a rollercoaster person
[03:33] vladgd: water parks aren't bad though
[03:34] Oblivion: theyre always cool
[03:34] Oblivion: but they get old fast
[03:34] vladgd: well
[03:34] vladgd: if you want excitement
[03:34] vladgd: get a gun
[03:34] vladgd: rob a bank
[03:35] Oblivion: sounds like a plan
[03:35] vladgd: or fuck a mongoose
[03:36] vladgd: god damn
[03:36] vladgd: ok
[03:36] vladgd: like
[03:36] vladgd: have sex with some girl while mowing the lawn AT THE SAME TIME
[03:36] vladgd: shittttttt
[03:36] vladgd: talk about multitasking
[03:38] Oblivion: i get it
[03:38] Oblivion: like lawn wake
[03:38] Oblivion: idk what wake has to do with it
[03:38] Oblivion: but it has lawn in it
[03:39] Oblivion: well...
[03:40] Oblivion: I GUESS if it's Lawn Wake LXIX
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Danbo on February 25, 2008, 01:09:48 AM
I was playing GH3 a few weeks ago, and I said "Mhm, thats how we did things in 'Nam." in a stereotypical Midwestern accent. About 20 seconds later, I fail the song, and my brother goes, "Yeah that's right, you lost."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: TimJing on February 26, 2008, 05:58:04 PM
I was playing GH3 a few weeks ago, and I said "Mhm, thats how we did things in 'Nam." in a stereotypical Midwestern accent. About 20 seconds later, I fail the song, and my brother goes, "Yeah that's right, you lost."

rofl.

Also, my friend Rachel, who's really racist and bigoted and stuff (but in a funny way) remarked that she liked the washer/dryer unit she fictionally bought in our project for English today "because it was white", in front of the class. The people that know that's she's racist started bursting out laughing, myself included. She didn't even mean it that way, but oh man, was it funny. The teacher picked on her a little after that, asking if her microwave and stove were white too, haha. It was great.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: flaffl on February 26, 2008, 11:54:18 PM
sammmmm23 (8:38:49 PM): dude
sammmmm23 (8:38:53 PM): I was having a singing competition :(
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on February 27, 2008, 12:36:56 AM
I'm always amused whenever people ask me the most obvious question ever whenever I'm solving the Rubik's cube.

Them: "So, is there, like, some sort of method to solving that thing?"
Me: "No, I'm just really, really lucky."

A couple of people have not gotten the sarcasm, which I also find amusing.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on March 20, 2008, 03:43:12 PM
Lol.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Ulti on March 20, 2008, 03:59:09 PM
Yes, it gets lodged in your lungs.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on March 30, 2008, 09:19:42 AM
Teacher: "...So, Othello is referred to in the play as the 'black Moor'."
Random jock: "Is that where we get s'mores from?"
Teacher: "No! You don't eat black people!"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on March 30, 2008, 12:09:15 PM
Haha, oh wow.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: vladgd on April 05, 2008, 10:53:08 PM
this gave me a good laugh

vladgd says:
also, starwars ep 3 sucks
Oblivion says:
yeah
Oblivion says:
because they cant pass 12s in IIDX
Oblivion says:
like seriously
Oblivion says:
my life perspective is changed forever
Oblivion says:
i was at wal mart and im like
Oblivion says:
im the only one here that can pass 12s in IIDX
Oblivion says:
its like losing virginity

thank you milkchan
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on April 06, 2008, 12:17:12 AM
That is awesome.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Sneaky on June 05, 2008, 02:19:12 PM
Me: I just saw Iron maiden last week, it was awesome.
Fucking cute girl: Oh the movie?

-.-

also, bump
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on June 17, 2008, 11:06:32 PM
After we got back from the trip, me and 3 of the guys who went, all brothers, went to Macaroni Grill with my mom, their dad, and their little sister. I don't remember what me and her were initially not-so-seriously arguing about, but it ended like this:

Her: Look, this is your opinion (low hand) and this is my opinion (high hand).
Me: Well, this is your height (low hand) and this is my height (high hand).
Her: Hey, I can pass as a first-year med school student.
Me: I'm 18.
Her: Well, I'm 12 and... uh...
Me: And I can pee standing up.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Danbo on June 29, 2008, 11:41:19 PM
I was just watching my brother play Alone in the Dark for 360, and as you rappel down the building, some random black guy yells out to you "HEY, GRAB THE CABLE."

My brother: "Hi, I'm the only black man in the game and I'm likely to die soon!"

Literally .5 seconds later, there's some massive explosion and the guy dies. Sort of stupid, but I chuckled.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on June 30, 2008, 03:08:55 AM
Courtesy of #boxorroxors:

<Hellacious> is hella tired
<Hellacious> all this world max nightmare shit is ridiculous
<@infamouspat> if you know where to look, out in the mountains of zaire, there's a hippo that gives a shit
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Alice on July 01, 2008, 02:48:55 PM
<@lancer-snark> type "/names" to see a list of my problems
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Alice on July 04, 2008, 02:16:42 AM
< kuroneko> i heard somewhere that ff9 is like a vagina
< kuroneko> painful the first time through, but afterwards it grows on you
< kuroneko> actually i just slightly twisted the statement to fit a vagina analogy
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on July 10, 2008, 04:48:55 PM
Shouting conversation between two rooms:

Jupi: "Get out of the kitchen, you stupid Jew!"
Evan: "I'm not a Jew!"
Jupi: "Then why are you in the oven?"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Jupi on July 10, 2008, 05:52:28 PM
*gasp*

That...wasn't me!  *shifty eyes*
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: flesy on July 11, 2008, 03:35:49 AM
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA"
"it's not the birthday, it's independence day"

 :'(



Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Ridge on August 09, 2008, 05:59:33 AM
bump for this

<@|Ridge|> http://penisenlargementiq.com/free-penis-enlargement.html
<@shakesoda|mac> in before viruses
<@|Ridge|> Did You Know?  72% of women need a larger and thicker penis to reach sexual orgasm.
<@|Ridge|> LOL
<@|Ridge|> ahahaha oh god
<Rika> LOL
<@shakesoda|mac> lmao
<Rika> What about the other 28%?
<@|Ridge|> they're lesbians
<Rika> oh, okay. That makes perfect sense
<@shakesoda|mac> haha
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Fractilion on August 12, 2008, 06:18:59 AM
I accidentally said Greaseland instead of Greenland
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Spectere on August 23, 2008, 06:58:42 AM
Renard: i'm gonna have to make furry avatar rotator OH WAIT IT ALREADY IS DERP DERP DERP
Me: infrrf
Renard: WTF LOL
Me: fgdofgsdja>!
Me: GOD I NEED SLEEP HAHAHA
Me: indeed
Renard: DUDE ME TOO BUT I DON'T CARE
Renard: SLEEP IS A WASTE OF BAD COMPUTER TIME
Me: that was the best typo ever
Renard: oh LOL
Renard: INFRRF
Renard: it sounds like furry sex
Renard: like
Renard: insertion happens between IN and FRRF
Renard: it's like "oh, yeah, in-FRRRF!"
Me: XD
Renard: xD
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on August 23, 2008, 12:56:19 PM
While marking drill at YSU, we (the alto saxes and trumpets) are standing by the right 30-yard line waiting for everyone else to find it, and this trombone player comes up to us out of nowhere. The following conversation takes place:

Her: "Who is clarinet 3?"
Me: "Uh, the clarinets aren't here."
Chris: "The clarinets are on the other side of the field."
Her: "...There's another 30?"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Jupi on August 23, 2008, 01:04:33 PM
...

*facepalm*
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: K-Mann on August 26, 2008, 02:22:48 AM
Things to know:
Also: color coded for your convenience!

vladgd says:
had to show someone, and zakamiro is being sickingly gay right now
Ethan - says:
Whys that
vladgd says:
new gf = HE IS CORNEY
Ethan - says:
Oh jesus
I keep mine locked in the kitchen
vladgd says:
like you should
Ethan - says:
Nothing corny there unless she makes some
vladgd says:
he talks about butterflies and shit
Ethan - says:
Wow
vladgd says:
id rather hear about sick fetishes even i find disgusting, but no
i bet hes going to use a condom, in missionary position, not against her will
we're loosing him
Ethan - says:
No good
Bring him back
Shock therapy
tubgirl gogogogogogo
vladgd says:
to the balls
while watching necrophilia
no
WHILE BECOMING NECROPHILIA
Ethan - says:
Wow
vladgd says:
also lovley storm
<3
Ethan - says:
Killing and shocking at the same time
vladgd says:
yes
Ethan - says:
Jesus man
vladgd says:
you have to throw the hardest of the hardcore at this guy
else THERES NO SAVIN HIM
Ethan - says:
Thus
Shocking, killing, AND moon porn
vladgd says:
he could be listening to cher while all is going on also
Ethan - says:
Cher more like Madonna because thats pretty gay
vladgd says:
a transvestite singing britney spears instead
Ethan - says:
Yeah
With poor make up so you can tell completely
And a gut going so he hangs out a bit
vladgd says:
yes

that guy
though he pulls it off pretty good
Ethan - says:
wtf
Wheres the gut
And the shitty make up
vladgd says:
we can pay him to add those on
Ethan - says:
Not much
We need to save the rest for the electricity bill that we'll get with the shock therapy
vladgd says:
fuck you're right
Ethan - says:
And how much does it cost for the tools to dig up graves
?
vladgd says:
bout $5.00 for a shovel id assume
Ethan - says:
I mean I have a decent shovel
vladgd says:
my minivan can hold corpses
Ethan - says:
Maybe we'll get lucky and find a random pully in a desserted wearhouse nearby
vladgd says:
makeshift pulley
the tranny can make it
Ethan - says:
Rope it around its gut
vladgd says:
i think you are mcguyver
Ethan - says:
Jesus guy we are geniuses
vladgd says:
ZAKAMIRO IS ON HIS ROAD TO SALVATION ALREADY
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Zakamiro on August 26, 2008, 02:46:43 AM
<3 I love you guys.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on September 08, 2008, 09:23:38 PM
Here's an excerpt from the mini-lecture my band director gave us:

"When you're out there on the field, at the end of each set, you gotta look up to the podium to see if I'm going to be tellin' you to do something. I know that girl next to you is cute, and you  want to flirt. I did the same thing. And we'll give you time to flirt, too. It's important. We need more band people."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: flaffl on September 08, 2008, 10:17:59 PM
Psychology Teacher

Where's Jordan Cox?
-NO RESPONSE-
SNAKE

SNAAKE

SNAAAAKE

k but seriously

Where's Jordan Cox?
-no response-
That fucking Coxucker.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on October 01, 2008, 12:26:20 AM
Haha, I've been screwing with the hall jackass. Someone stole his hot pot (again) and since he's convinced it was me the first time, he thinks it's me again.

Guy: *walks into my room* Kevin! I know you took my hot pot again!
Me: No I didn't. You probably just lost it again.
G: I didn't lose it last time, you took it. And you lied about it!
M: Well, I didn't take it this time. I like thinking of other pranks to pull on you rather than just reusing them.
G: Yeah, but you could be lying again.
M: I could, but I'm not.
G: But you could be.
M: Ooh, you're sooo smart. Whoops, I lied again.
G: Haha, wait...Oh. *walks out*

<Later>

Me: *walks into his room* I know where your hot pot is.
Guy: You do?!
M: Yes, it's in the sister hall's girls' bathroom. *turns to walk out*
G: Hey, wait! How would you know that unless you took it?
M: Good question.
G: That's, like, self-incriminating evidence there.
M: Ok, fine, I took it and hid it in the girls' bathroom. Now you can go get it.
G: I will! *starts walking towards the sister hall* And I'll get you back for this! You just wait! I will! *leaves the hall*

<Later>

Guy: *walks into my room after visiting the sister hall's girls' bathroom* It wasn't in there, Kevin!
Me: Whoops, I guess I lied again.

This is fun.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on October 01, 2008, 04:47:10 AM
Haha, awesome work!
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Leorina on October 01, 2008, 08:36:17 AM
One from my old high school principal:

"today's word of the day is businessasusual"
"The five keys to success here at this high school:
  1)show up
  2)do your work
  3)pay attention
  4)get to class on time
  5)be respectful
  6)get higher grades"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: TimJing on October 09, 2008, 09:14:33 PM
Don't think this actually qualifies as a quote but whatever. Fits most nicely here.

Thought it was hilarious:

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.





The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.



After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.



Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.



Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.





It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.



Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on October 10, 2008, 12:23:51 AM
Haha, normally I don't find those types of things all that funny, but that was awesome.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on March 01, 2009, 01:22:54 AM
Bump for #shakesoda:

<Midiman> UPLOAD THAT
<Midiman> IT DONT EXIST
<shakesoda> uh ok
<shakesoda> it'll be in your private/ in a few minutes
<Midiman> shouldnt you take me out to dinner first

<K__> .8ball my dick is huge?
<And360> Reply hazy, try again.
* K__ takes off pants
<K__> .8ball my dick is huge?
<And360> Ask again later.
<K__> Goddamn you are a frigid bitch.
<Midiman> it's not in the mood
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick huge?
<And360> Signs point to yes.
<K__> lol
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick 12 inches
<vyhd> .8ball is midiman black?
<And360> Outlook good.
<Midiman> :)
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick 12 inches
<vyhd> .8ball is shakesoda black?
<K__> .8ball am I white?
<And360> Outlook not so good.
<And360> Most likely.
<K__> You need a ?
<K__> .8ball am I white?
<K__> .8ball am I white
<K__> Or not.
<vyhd> I lol'd
<vyhd> "midiman?" "outlook good." "shakesoda?" "outlook not so good."
<K__> .8ball am I white?
<And360> You may rely on it.
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick 12 inches?
<And360> Reply hazy, try again.
<vyhd> .8ball does midiman suffer from penis envy?
<And360> Without a doubt.
<vyhd> :3
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick 12 inches?
<And360> Don't count on it.
<Midiman> .8ball is my dick 12 inches?
<Midiman> oh well I got the answer I needed
<vyhd> hardcore cockblocked
<KitaKhyber> .8ball is my music good?
<K__> .8ball am I white?
<And360> Better not tell you now.
<And360> Don't count on it.
<K__> .8ball is my dick huge?
<And360> It is certain.
<K__> ...hahah what
<KitaKhyber> .8ball what abut me?
<And360> Yes.
<Midiman> I got burned pretty bad
<KitaKhyber> :D
<vyhd> .8ball TEAM DRAGONFORCE?
<And360> Yes.
<K__> .8ball is my dick longer than a foot?
<And360> Without a doubt.
<K__> ...
<K__> rofl what
<Azure> ...
<Azure> .8ball OFF
<And360> OFF: 8ball is off.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on March 01, 2009, 04:23:54 AM
Quote
<vyhd> .8ball TEAM DRAGONFORCE?
<And360> Yes.

Win.

lol, that was pretty awesome.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on March 02, 2009, 04:14:40 AM
[02:07] Aldrasio: wow, QC has some awesome lines
[02:08] Aldrasio: "He's not going to faint or anything, is he?" "I'll be fine." "Good. Last kid who fainted in here woke up missing a kydney, and my Mustang got its engine rebuilt."
[02:09] asdfwat: what
[02:09] Aldrasio: read that a few times
[02:09] asdfwat: that doesn't even
[02:09] Aldrasio: you'll get it
[02:09] asdfwat: i can't
[02:09] asdfwat: what
[02:09] asdfwat: it doesn't
[02:09] Aldrasio: how do you not get it?
[02:10] asdfwat: kidney ----> mustang engine rebuilt
[02:10] asdfwat: wat
[02:11] Aldrasio: what can everyone do with a kidney, other than use it for themselves
[02:11] Aldrasio: SELL
[02:11] asdfwat: oh
[02:11] asdfwat: oh
[02:11] asdfwat: OH
[02:11] Aldrasio: wow, you suck
[02:11] asdfwat: yeah, i'm starting to agree with you
[02:11] asdfwat: ha,
[02:11] asdfwat: i was thinking bio-engineered hybrids
[02:11] asdfwat: man
[02:11] asdfwat: just
[02:11] asdfwat: wow
[02:12] asdfwat: fuck everything
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on March 02, 2009, 10:20:15 PM
Haha, what.

Also this happened in real life, so I'll try and set it up as best as I can. My friends and I were playing Call of Duty W@W, the Zombie mini game and the right before the game starts it says "Nazi Zombies" on the screen. My friends girlfriend looks at this and pronounces it like "naa zee" and then says they misspelled it and that it needs a T. We all look at her and say "...no" and she replies "yes it does, it just says Naa zee like (someone who has a last name JUST like that, don't ask me to spell it)". We all say no again and she continues to disagree, she is seriously the most stubborn person alive.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on March 03, 2009, 03:18:11 AM
Did you actually say that in german, the Z is always pronounced as tz? You could of course go on to wikipedia or somewhere and show them a table showing the german pronunciation of things (I have actually looked things up right in front of people a number of times. It's nice when you can disprove them with a reliable source.)
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: flaffl on March 06, 2009, 08:41:03 PM
so a buddy of mine was throwing candy at this chick

"ow that's my butt"
and then i had to hit it


"well that's what she said."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on April 04, 2009, 04:04:21 AM
Off of Omegle.com

I really hope that this wasn't an actual kid...

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey
Stranger: hiii
Stranger: how are u?
You: Fine and good
You: May I ask your age, sex, and location?
Stranger: 16, f and brazilian
Stranger: and u?
You: 13, male, the greatest country in the world, America
Stranger: hmm
You: You know, if you do me a little favor I can have you in this country legally
Stranger: what favor?
You: I've noticed you had a little itch in the back of your throat, and I think I have just the thing to scratch it
You: You there?
Stranger: what?
Stranger: ...
You: I'm saying I want to walk up to you and whop bop a do whop a whop bop bam all over your chin
You: If you pardon my use of slang
You: You don't need to rush to a conclusion, just think about it
You: how is it in your home county?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: NewF on April 04, 2009, 01:34:33 PM
I had to try that omegle.com, and heres what I got, lol.



You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Hi
You: STOP STEALING MY FRENCH FRIES!
Stranger: Um..... What is your problem!
You: Thief!!! I'm calling the cops!
Stranger: What
Stranger: dude or girl stop
You: THEY'RE MINE!!!!!!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on April 07, 2009, 10:22:12 PM
Some of my friends in a chat room. I'm not actually in this quote.

[20:23] ordimius: i think im gonna make it the pic of me standing next to the texas tech seal
[20:23] ordimius: its huge
[20:24] kags15: that's what she said
[20:24] kags15: she couldn't ignore my girth
[20:24] asdfwat: i made that blue spinny thing in photoshop from scratch
[20:24] asdfwat: you are so goddamn gay woman
[20:24] kags15: I know
[20:24] kags15: I AM HAPPY :d
[20:24] kags15: oh god I fail
[20:24] kags15: brb suicide
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Midiman on April 10, 2009, 06:29:03 PM
alot of shit
see I knew you idling #animefest would result in some fun shit.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Jupi on April 14, 2009, 12:06:52 PM
So my friends and I are walking to downtown Pittsburgh, and we're making our way across a bridge.  Since the bridge was right next to the baseball field, and there was a game that day, all non foot-traffic was blocked.

Thus, my friend Dan decides to be a doof and walk on the side of the bridge.   Not the one right over the water, but the one where you'd just fall into the road or back onto the sidewalk.  If you fell.  Whatev.  No doom involved.

So he's walking, walkin', making a spectacle of himself when up ahead, we see another guy standing in his path about fifty feet ahead.  Playing an alto sax.  lulz.

The sax player sees him prancing/stumbling around, stops playing and watches him for a few seconds and then just shouts "LADIES AND GENTLEMAN...IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY TALENT, PLEASE...GET THE HELL OFF OF MY BRIDGE-THINGY."

He actually said "bridge-thingy" which was what was really weird.  haha
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on April 21, 2009, 12:40:41 AM
[22:36] Aldrasio: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v253/annonymous/gm_finaldestination0001.jpg
[22:36] Aldrasio: no items
[22:36] Aldrasio: no gravity
[22:36] Aldrasio: final destination
[22:37] asdfwat: god
[22:37] asdfwat: damnit
[22:37] asdfwat: you froze my firefox again
[22:37] asdfwat: haet u
[22:38] asdfwat: so much
[22:38] Aldrasio: lol
[22:38] Aldrasio: no firefox
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on May 14, 2009, 12:42:46 AM
Stranger: hi
You: Hello
Stranger: what's shakin?
You: Could you do me a small favor?
Stranger: go on
You: I cant connect to the google servers, could you google image search boku no pico?
You: My friend told me to look it up
Stranger: what's your isp?
Stranger: I've had similar problems
You: My isp? Bellsouth
Stranger: what I did was just went to wikipedia.org/wiki/google and clicked on the link to google and it worked
Stranger: yeah comcast gave me similar problem, just try that
Stranger: but I'll still look up the pict
You: alright.
Stranger: you sick fuck
Stranger: shota
You: Is it moe?
Stranger: what?
You: Do you like da shota?
Stranger: no
Stranger: your friend is a perv
You: Why not?
You: I mean, you've never thought about it?
Stranger: ...
Stranger: are you a pedo?
You: Animated little boys grabbin' each others dicks like it's a peice of candy don;t make me no fag
Stranger: I asked if you were a pedo
Stranger: fag != pedo
You: In America they are both immoral
Stranger: you still haven't answered my question
Stranger: lgbt is not immoral but sick fucks that look at shota are immoral
You: Is dis the FBI?
Stranger: no it's not
Stranger: lol, I like the message omegle sends you if you type fbi
You: Don't lie to me, you goverment paid goon, STOP TRYING TO REPRESS MY NATURAL URGES
Stranger: don't let your natural urges see the outside of your house
Stranger: I hope you aren't deluded enough to think that you can have a healthy sexual relationship with a child
You: MY NATRUAL URGES ARE ABOUT TO SEE THE INSIDE OF YOUR ANUS FAGGOT
Stranger: I'm not a child
You: Well now I'm flaccid
Stranger: get off the shota
Stranger: srsly
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on May 14, 2009, 02:54:16 AM
Haha, that was awesome. It's kinda amusing that they knew the term shota, lol. Of all the many people that would frequent that site, you actually got someone that knew what shota was.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: 『フエハデ』 on May 20, 2009, 01:27:00 AM
#shakesoda IRC bot is an excellent learner

<Midiman> Elysium, .bustboy
<Elysium> Midiman: It's .bustboy you coon
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: A2P on June 11, 2009, 12:36:34 PM
"But daddy, I don't wanna play the horsey game!"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: annon on August 20, 2009, 11:33:27 PM
Talking about my roommate not knowing very good English:

[21:25] Aldrasio: it'd be easier if I knew any mandarin
[21:25] asdfwat: lol, you DO wanna get with the chi-knees
[21:25] asdfwat: *chai-knees
[21:26] Aldrasio: just saying, it's easier if both parties barely know the other's language
[21:26] Aldrasio: than if only one does
[21:26] asdfwat: speak japanese to him and piss him off
[21:26] Aldrasio: or spanish
[21:26] Aldrasio: I've communicated fairly well with people who barely spoke english
[21:26] Aldrasio: but spoke spanish
[21:27] asdfwat: EL BURRITO DEL FUEGO EN MUERTO PICANTE DEL MUY PUQUITO EN HUEVOS RANCHEROS!
[21:27] Aldrasio: the burrito of the hot in dead hot of the very not a word in ranch eggs
[21:27] Aldrasio: what
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Jupi on September 02, 2009, 09:03:17 AM
Myself and some of my friends were just attempting to help diagnose a fellow lounger's computer issues.

Me:  "What OS are you running?"
Kid: "Dell!"
Everyone else in the room: "..."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on September 21, 2009, 02:27:32 AM
I had a family dinner tonight, and my Grandma was talking about how she fell in her kitchen after her operation. My grandpa replied "I thought you were doing a trick, like standing on your head or something" and I laughed so damn hard.

I suppose his set up was better, but you get the point.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on September 28, 2009, 10:25:53 PM
cOheed33633 (10:13:07 PM): omg. ur insaine
Auto-response: Mortifiedocalot is away (10:13:10 PM)
Not even slightly worksafe.

http://mowtendoo.com/
Mortifiedocalot (10:14:32 PM): did you click that link?
cOheed33633 (10:14:38 PM): yes
cOheed33633 (10:14:44 PM): ew
Mortifiedocalot (10:15:01 PM): IWARNED YOU
cOheed33633 (10:15:17 PM): i didnt understand the not worksafeness
Mortifiedocalot (10:16:07 PM): You have to admit, that's some good music
cOheed33633 (10:16:28 PM): riiiiiiiiiight\
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Sneaky on October 14, 2009, 12:05:23 PM
Night time, outside gameworks in the parking lot, standing with my date by her car.

Another group of 3 or 4 people walk by, get in their car a few spaces down, pull away, and some chick yells "FUCK EACH OTHER ALREADY"

har de har
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: Bobbias on October 14, 2009, 03:02:04 PM
lol, nice. Yeah, people do that occasionally around here too.

But I haven't heard one that was genuinely funny for some time.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: OmegaOmni on November 08, 2009, 10:00:31 PM
At work we have a white board on the front end that shows the cashier of the week I was on the register that the whiteboard is in front of.  The cashier of the week is named Kayla. This is what the customer asked to me:

Customer: "So you're the cashier of the week?"
Me: *Gives customer the "Are you really a fucking idiot?" stare*....*Politely responds* No, I am not.

My name is on my damn apron...wth he couldn't take a moment to look at the name on my apron...what a dumb fuck.
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL) happy 30k!
Post by: Jupi on November 18, 2009, 09:43:22 AM
Said/heard amongst my friends in the student lounge on Monday:


Girl:  "So yeah, my mom's going to be in the hospital for a while."
Guy 1:  "Aw, that sucks.  Is she sick, or did she get hurt?"
Girl:  "Yeah, she's sick."
Guy 2:  "What does she have?"
Guy 1:  "Well, we know ONE thing for certain!  It's not Lupus!"
*few people that heard laugh a bit*
Girl:  "Actually...It is Lupus."
Room:  "..."


---

Same room, different people:

I forget the beginning of the conversation, but it wound up going this way...

Guy:  "Hey!  I'm 1/3 black!"
Girl:  "Then the other 2/3 of you should be pretty fucking offended by now, don't you think?"
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on August 31, 2010, 11:51:56 PM
"Step of boy, I'm a bad as fuck dungeon crawler."
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on February 03, 2011, 06:33:51 PM
update, but largley because I've never reeally agreed with a quote more.

Quote
5:18 PM - KblT.: and that video games are targeted to lowest possible denominator that also happens to be the largest
Title: Re: Funny Quotes (online and IRL)
Post by: MortifiedocAlot on March 07, 2011, 06:16:35 PM
Quote
6:07 PM - Shaddox: The only reason people watch interracial porn is the same reason people watch bestiality