Messages

556

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: January 14, 2015, 04:11:43 PM »

Really depends on the nature of the word addiction. Do I keep coming back to it? Yes. Am I addicted to it? No.

I bought the expansion, had my fill, then left. I enjoyed it, played it to the level cap, diddled around for a bit after that, and I had no more desire to play.

557

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: January 07, 2015, 03:39:23 AM »

Yeah for now im just gonna work on male physique, and dress girly when I can. Should be a safe middle ground. If I need to go further, i'll do it when the time comes. I just want to stay away from trans circles for now, and get advice from non biased cis people.

On another note, what I did yesterday was very dumb. I am not condoning it, but I did it anyway, and I just want to describe it to the best of my ability since it was rather unique to me. I decided that I wanted to go on a trip to space, so I grabbed a bottle of dextromethorphan (rocket fuel to go to space) and blasted off. I was in webcam chat with this girl ive been chatting up for the past 5 or so months during a lot of the takeoff. So I guess I started at 7pm, and gradual doses till around midnight-1am till the rocket fuel ran out. So im just at my place alone talking to this girl online while going to space, and as time passed it just got weirder and weirder. At around like 3am the webcam was going at like 3 seconds per frame, if it was moving at all, and my hands would like morph into each-other and stuff. She took off for bed around 4am, and I decided to do the same.

So shit was already really goddamn weird, I didn't think I would get much effect off the stuff, and it really wasn't much for the first 9 HOURS! Then it just started going up in levels, like I could feel intensity changes, I think I was stating new plateaus as I felt them in the chat I was in. The girl I was with said she had to leave in a while, then like, 2 seconds to me later she said she had to go. But it wasn't 2 seconds that passed, like 30 minutes passed. Anyway she leaves, and I somehow manage to put my pc into sleep mode, and get my phone and tablet to go down two flights of stairs to get to my bed...mind you carrying 2 things and going anywhere at this state is a challenge.

PC turned off, all light for me is gone, and I just feel a blindness. Then...like...my tablet turned into sludge, I had no vision, and I just went for the ground since my senses were all shot. I recall as I am trying to just leave my room the darkness just obscured everything, and then weird geometric patterns filled the void. So those went away and I was left with green lights moving in directions, and I was following them, up, down, left, right, and through the 4th dimension, and 5th dimension. It got really weird and I got lost, so I verbally said something like "help me" and that got to my ears, and it woke me up and I could see again.

I don't know how I got from my room on the second floor, to my bed in the basement, with my tablet (turned to sludge type material), and my phone when I could barely walk. The stairs were huge and in motion and stuff.  After that, im in bed, and then the trip yanks me back in, and it's like im dying/dead, but seeing outside what reality is. It was a sensation of being somewhere else, being outside of the current dimension, being above everything, like being able to see everything or be anywhere. So the easiest way I can describe the trip is that I thought I was doing to be trapped in the madness forever, but I have traversed the 5th dimension to enter infinity. Ohh and my window was appearing and disappearing and the stuff around my sleeping area was all fucked up, but that's just trippy visual stuff that I am now used to. It's the part where you get yanked out of reality and put somewhere else that's the fucked part. Like one moment you are just existing, a bit slow, but there's some situational awareness still there. THEN IT JUST PULLS YOU IN YOU GOT NO CONTROL TIME NO LONGER EXISTS THE SPACE YOU ARE IN IS GONE YOU ARE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND YOU CANT LEAVE. It's when tv or movies try to describe an acid trip, and then it's like...a good approximation of what goes on, only the reality is more intense and severe.

I do not think I have been so scared in my life, and yet, it was an experience unlike any other. Im not into really any spirituality nonsense, but I can understand how people could connect with that in psychedelic trips. Feeling like everything and nothing, being outside of the bounds of reality and stuff, it feels impossible.

558

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: December 31, 2014, 01:40:41 AM »

With the end of the year, people are talking about the games they played, and it reminded me of something. Obviously I've been playing games this year, but in terms of games that came out in 2014, feels like I didn't play a lot. I couldn't make a top 10 because I haven't played 10 new games, unless you count expansions/addons/dlc...even then I don't think I hit 10 games. What 2014 games did I play, and what did I enjoy the most this year?

-mario golf world tour
-diablo 3 reaper of souls
-warlords of draenor
-ultra street fighter 4
-civilization beyond earth
-legend of grimrock 2

I kind of enjoyed all of them to be honest. Favorite out of that list is easily diablo 3 reaper of souls, I put the most time into it, and it turned an awful game into a fantastic game that I still look forward to seeing new content for. Blizzard did a fantastic job of analyzing the problems with the original game, and implementing features to make the item hunt great.

Warlords of draenor was enjoyable, first time I got a wow character to level cap since...lich king. I got what I wanted out of the game and have since stopped playing, but I had a great time with it.

Mario golf was pretty fun, I just haven't been in the mood to get some multiplayer going on with an irl friend who also has it. Still, feels like an improved version of the gamecube game on the go, with online play and dlc courses from the n64 game.

Civ beyond earth seems to be a bit disappointing right now, but I did enjoy what I have played of it. Currently waiting for firaxis to do what they do, release an expansion and make everything better. Don't get me wrong, the current game is good, it just has some issues.

Ultra street fighter 4...is what it is, another balance update, few new characters, some new features. I could probably write a huge essay of the things I like and dislike about it, but i'll keep it short since this is a small place and nobody here cares about the genre. My characters, gen, bison, e honda, chun. My main out of the 4 is e honda, and he's like a bottom 3 character now, and that sucks. Chun, and bison are great now, and some of the stupid nerfs gen got during ultra...got reverted a few weeks ago, so gen while still good after nerfs, is a bit better now. I don't really think I could not like usf4 even if all my characters got nerfed into the ground, id find another one, or do what i do and still play e honda regardless.

Figure I would leave what I am currently playing for last, and that's grimrock 2. I beat the first grimrock this october, and I was motivated to play that game by grimrock 2's release. I recently started playing grimrock 2 about a week ago, and it's like grimrock 1...but...better...and it's really REALLY friggin good. Go buy it and play it right now, or look up videos on what it's about, basically a grid based first person rpg dungeon crawler along the lines of old pc games like dungeon master. Plus like it's a fantasy setting, but you don't have super generic fantasy races or even ways to mix class and race. You have human, minotaur, lizardman, insectoid, and ratling. No stupid elves in this game, or no played out dwarves either. My current party is a FRONTLINE mage insectoid named JUDGE MATHIS. A frontline lizardman barbarian named KEITH DAVID. The back row is an insectoid melee fighter...BACK ROW, MELEE FIGHTER. Final character is an insectoid alchemist that also acts as another mage. So like im running 3 bugs and a lizard, the bugs are mages at that, I have a frontline spellcaster(rocks heavy armor, and a shield, but no melee attacks beacuse MAGIC CASTIN), and a backline melee fighter(skill to melee attack from back row, lower health for more energy to do melee special attacks)...and it's viable and I am playing through the game fine. I just don't see that happening in many games. I think it's really cool that my stupid unorthodox party can be totally viable, and not even just "viable" but totally pretty good. If we want to judge progress as getting the 4 orb things to get to the final boss, I got 3 so far, so I feel im a decent way through the game now. It's a good ride so far!

559

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 24, 2014, 02:07:03 AM »

Yeah, I've been considering getting something for my room. One of my former coworkers had a little exercise bike looking thing that she'd stuff under a desk and pedal while she worked. Not a bad idea, really. I don't really have room for a full-sized bike or anything like that, so I figure something portable (since my Mac and gaming PC are in separate rooms and I use them both a lot) that I can just stuff in my closet when I'm not using it would be best. Normally I like to get out and walk, but that's not particularly viable in the winter time (though this year hasn't been totally awful so far).

In my opinion, the best cardio is any cardio you're willing to do on a regular basis. I am currently looking for a ps1/n64 game I want to invest time into trying to complete only when doing cardio. We can both agree that burning calories while playing videogames is awesome!....but what game to play....ehrgeiz adventure mode? shadow madness? jade cocoon? DONKEY KONG 64?!

Yeah, you're definitely in a bit of an awkward situation there. Have you thought about going back to your therapist and explaining all of that? With what you know and have experienced now maybe they'll be able to help you determine where you want to go from here.

Insurance ran out with the therapist so my next appointment in jan 5th. But when I go to these sessions, I always have an agenda so I can attempt to solve a problem. Right now I am at the point where I think I just need more time to reflect on this stuff, and time away from the obviously biased trans circle I've been in. I am old for this stuff, but young enough to where I do have a few years yet before I am in too late territory. I think more time with heavy emphasis on fitness is what I need.

TLDR I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER AND IT MIGHT BE BUT IT ISNT!

560

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 22, 2014, 06:30:41 PM »

Being binary would be so much easier! This stuff isn't yet over, but I suppose I have a few years in me before it's too late for them pills.

Currently ATTEMPTING to workout...again...for the 5323th time. Current plan is pretty basic. Lift mon/wed/fri, squat/bench/deadlift. 30-60 minutes of cardio as close to every day as possible, just low intensity on a treadmill while fucking about on my tablet or playing vidya, but fast enough to work up a sweat. Apparently a lot of people do low/medium intensity cardio while watching tv/playing vidya/dicking around on the computer, it's a good way to forget about the cardio and make it go by faster.

I really need to look into how far I could go in the female direction, whilst attempting to attain a fit male physique. Without looking like one of those awkward tumblr abominations. Yknow those folk with the skirts and the makeup, and the FULL BEARD...like..no..plz...no...

I don't know, fit andro looking person? Shouldn't worry about that until I obtain that fitness I have been trying to acquire for several years now...that I would have had if I didn't stop what I was doing. Protip, doing anything > doing nothing.

561

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 09, 2014, 03:17:58 PM »

Ive gained a lot from the whole experience, whether I transitioned or not wasn't even really the focus, it's just a byproduct of the feelings. I still don't have a proper label for what kind of person I am. I got perspective, more comfortable with myself, im more empathetic, ive made friends, got closer to current friends/family, it's been positive.

I can't be cisgendered, but I don't strongly identify with transgendereds either...I'll just use "mostly cis" until I can think of better. Even though cis is an absolute thing, think of a better term and I'll use it

562

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: December 09, 2014, 03:12:54 PM »

I am interested in some farcry 4, but it wasn't that long ago that i played through farcry 3...then even more recent is blood dragon. I think i'll give it some time before i dive in.

I don't even think I want to play any videogames because there is only ONE VIDEOGAME I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT!



I honestly expected another alpha game, or a darkstalkers game before seeing a direct sequel, but it looks impressive. I just pray to fighting game jesus that it isn't a flop like street fighter x tekken. Funny how much stuff I can gather from that gameplay that joe schmo doesn't even see, like the guard crush system being brought back.

3 characters I want to see return. E Honda, Gen, Urien. I know for sure gen isn't going to make it back because he's not popular enough, but Honda or Urien might make the cut.

Anyway, im going to take a cryo sleep till this bad boy comes out.

563

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 08, 2014, 09:37:50 PM »

This did not take very long, I think I am done with this trans stuff, it's not me. Now, I NEEDED to go through with the hormones, because it simply wasn't possible to get the proper perspective without them, even without any effect from such a short period of time.

But I think this 10 month journey may be done. Not 100%, but, I know what I am now, and that's something I didn't have until now. I hope none of y'all have to go through with this.

564

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: December 03, 2014, 09:18:06 PM »

remember bro, I AM OG HORDE



I cancelled my account anyway. I like the game, and I may resub, but life stuff is eating at my drive to play.

565

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 03, 2014, 09:06:23 PM »

This is how I see it, for both doctors, seeing a therapist is REQUIRED. Now if a damn therapist gives me the OK, it's no longer the doctors say whether I am mentally ok to take hormones or not, their job is to make sure im physically well for it. I motherfuckin had like 20 hours of sessions with a therapist, I think I know just about everything estrogen can do to a person at this point. Second doc couldn't understand why I was treated the way I was from the first doc, and from what I gather from my therapist, she's not going to be sending patients to that doc for those reasons anymore.

I suppose not everybody is all up to date with current trans treatment. Plus like for male to female, the stuff im getting isn't really strictly regulated or even possible to abuse at all. I could have went YOLO and bought the stuff online if I wanted, but then I wouldn't be knowing the proper dose, or my hormone levels or any of that stuff.

I got no idea when any effects of this stuff will start popping up, I hear from a few weeks to a month or so. I feel weird now, but it's probably just placebo from me waiting months to finally start this stuff.

566

Random Chat / Re: You couldn't ask for a lamer topic!

« on: December 03, 2014, 02:09:01 PM »

Let's update this situation shall we...

Scheduled a doctor appointment in like October, it went very poorly. She pretty much rejected me a prescription until I fully present as a woman like right fucking now and come out to everybody I know personally and professionally. Basically that's fucking crazy, and no doctor is going to tell me how to live my life, so fuck that.

That fucked me up emotionally for a while...then I scheduled another appointment which was to happen today, which I just got done with. This doctor seemed to be on the same page as my counselor, which is a good thing, and I got along a lot better with this one. Fast forward to like 10 minutes ago, I popped my first estrogens. Gonna do another checkup in like two months to see what other stuff they want me on.

Basically 3 things can happen now. The best thing that could happen is that these pills I am taking are going to fuck me up and I am going to hate them, and I am going to quit. Then I can legitimately quit, and KNOW FOR A FACT that this bullshit isn't for me. Neutral would be I like the effects and attempt to go lady mode or whatever the fuck I plan on doing. Bad would be not having an answer in like 2 months.

One moment life is going normal, then some weird goddamn shit pops up. Weird year, 2014.

567

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: December 01, 2014, 06:44:14 PM »

I managed to hit 100, dabbled in fury for like a day...and fuck that, prot is the only warrior spec. Not even gladiator prot, but defensive stance prot. However, I have only tanked with warrior, and afiak, paladins have it easier with the aoe tanking...and I have a fairly high level paladin (87)...so...I may see about leveling that paladin to 100 and seeing what class I prefer tanking with.

It's a pretty nice expansion, I didn't even expect to hit the level cap, let alone do instances. I mean, the last instance I did before draenor was in...litch king...

568

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: November 23, 2014, 12:14:26 AM »

I kinda ignored pandas, played cata but not even to the level cap, so it's been a while.



I guess i'll give it another go, currently level 96 on the prot warrior, enjoying my time. I will hit 100. Funny, getting through pandas having ignored it prior, only took like 5-6 hours through 2 zones to get from 85-90.

I am glad that prot warrior soloing is still good, and oddly I think prot is the best pvp spec for warrior...weird expansion. Don't need arms, don't want fury, SWORD AND BOARD FOR SOLOING, DUNGEONS, PVP!

569

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: September 26, 2014, 03:59:26 AM »

I have been playing monk the past week myself...

http://us.battle.net/d3/en/profile/vladgd-1696/hero/33447838

I didn't understand how a monk could do damage in t6...then I got my 4 piece sunwuko, and understood how the holy build works. GOD DAMN, it's fantastic. Breath of heaven for insane spirit regen, then just constantly spam matras to empty that spirit ball. With the sunwuko im doing stupid aoe holy damage all the time, i have near unlimited spirit regeneration, and i get a ton of life from spirit spent.

Two characters enter torment 6, next step crusader or demon hunter. I don't like demon hunter, but I got a god damned cindercoat on my monk doing greater rift level ONE(equivilant to normal difficulty...), useless on the monk, apparently an extremely desirable item for demon hunter. May as well give the item a home and get my only non 70 to 70.

This game is so good now, I am playing a lot longer than I originally expected.

570

Gaming / Re: watcha playin'

« on: September 03, 2014, 06:00:28 PM »

Speaking of Diablo 3...that game got a new patch, and got me to play again.

RNG GODS HAVE SMILED APON ME. I obliterate t6 now, and I almost have all the pieces I need to run jade set which will take me even higher. My profile is in a prior post, but it demonstrates how much sheet dps means ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING anymore.

The hardest difficulty in the game is torment 6. With the new greater rift system, there is 100 levels of the greater rift where greater rift 25 is ~torment 6. I just completed level 27, and the bottom of the top 1000 witchdoctors made it to 31. My character is doing quite well right now. If I get my jade set all together (just missing an elite damage weapon), it is possible I could somehow sneak into the top 1000 witchdoctors on the solo witchdoctor leaderboard. Although jade set is actually hard to play and not braindead like pet build which I currently run, still I would have the equipment anyway.

Ohh and I have a 70, paragon 5 crusader on season 1, took ~7 hours to hit 70.