17
« on: August 08, 2008, 01:57:07 AM »
Allow me to explain. Remember when I mentioned in the lame replies thread that I had found my dream girl and that she had left someone to be with me? Well vlad called it when he said that it just meant she could leave me for someone else.
This past month has been the most painful and terrible month I've had to endure. I actually loved this girl. It's the first time I was ever actually sure I loved someone. And she loved me, or so she said, and so I believed. After a fucking month, too.
I'm not going to go all the way into the situation because it's way too much for me to type, but here's what happened about a month ago: I called her asking if I would be able to see her later that day. She said "yes" and that was that. Yay. And let me just mention that things were going great, I had no reason to doubt the status of our relationship at that point. Well, I didn't hear from her at all that day, and I called and called over and over with no answer. A few days passed without any sort of communication with her whatsoever. Words can't accurately describe what was going on in my mind. The worry, the frustration and the guilt, thinking I could have done something wrong and not known it. My imagination was on overdrive. So about a week passes and by then I've called her phone probably about two hundred times. Then I decide to call her work (again) and see if she's there. Here's the BEST part of the story: the guy who picks up the phone says she didn't come in to work today because she had to file a police report about a stalker. A fucking stalker. That's what I became to her. At that point, I realized that it would be in my best interest, legally, to stop trying to get hold of her, and I just had to break down and convince myself that it was done for. If you've never been heartbroken before, it's something so awful that I wouldn't wish it for my worst enemy. I've never felt more hopelessly lost and confused in my life. It royally fucked me up. I lost the one thing that was keeping me sane through this hurricane of shit I've been living through. So that's what I have been recuperating from in the past month. And I'm feeling much much better these days. BUT it's not over yet! See, I had absolutely no idea what was going on with her; I didn't know if she was with someone else or what, and had to live with a lack of closure, until tonight :O I'm walking to the store to buy some soda, when who do I happen to see picking up the very guy she left me for in the first place from work? Yep, apparently she went back to that total idiot douchebag who will continue to treat her like shit as long as she's with him. As they were pulling out of the parking lot, I was standing on the sidewalk, looking at her. She saw me, I waved and smiled devilishly, and she left the parking lot through the less convenient exit furthest from me in a big hurry.
Seeing this happen tonight has made me feel unbelievably better. Why? Because I realize that she isn't the type of person I thought she was. I have a history of attracting totally insane girls who have clinically diagnosed mental problems, and I had pegged her for a pretty level-headed and not-so-psychotic person, but seeing her leave a relationship in which she knew she would be shown nothing but loyalty, respect, love, and honesty, and going back to this immature, lazy, shithead asshole who hits her and cheats on her and mentally abuses her, made me realize that she is probably the most crazy of the girls I've dated, and that I have dodged a huge bullet. I finally got closure, and it's amazingly pleasant feeling. Knowing that she is embarrassed as fuck right now makes me smile, too. Fucking bitch.
SO here is the moral of this story, and the ultimate point I'm getting to. The reason I survived (and I almost mean that literally) through the past month is because of my friends. This whole situation made me understand just how incredibly important having good friends is. I have never appreciated the personal relationships I've established with these people more than at this time. So there's the moral, and here's the point: I'm probably not going to be returning to this forum anymore. And I say 'probably' because I have left before and I am never more than 99% sure of anything. You guys and gals are awesome. Definitely the coolest e-personalities I've ever known, and it's a shame I've never gotten to meet any of you in person, but internet-based relationships have become utterly meaningless to me in the past few weeks. I'm going to get out more and meet real people made of flesh, and socialize and start to become the person I've been wanting to for a long-ass time. The Age of the Computer is over, so-to-speak :3
I'll probably stop by here every now and then to see what kinds of replies I get, but I'm not going to be posting anymore. Also, don't think I'm trying to cut off completely from everyone, that's not my agenda. If you REALLY want to stay in touch, I will still be checking emails. I might still upload to my deviantart when I start making art and shit again, as well. I think my email is my profile here, but if not it's sqthreer at gmail dot com.
OKAY well byebye then!!
Show Posts
