Author Topic: Hi guys  (Read 3031 times)

Milk Chan

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Hi guys
« on: August 19, 2007, 01:41:24 AM »
In The Groove, also known as In Teh Grave or simply ITG, is the unholy bastard child of Satan's puppet company, Roxor. It was created to destroy the empire that was Konami (known in Canadia as Konameee) by being better, faster, and harder. ITG players are usually covered in herpes and are in constant pain from their persecution after they betrayed DDR, the one true dance game. Playing ITG is condemned by Super Pope, as well as Popezilla and God or whoever you believe in.

ITG was first released in 2152, then brought back in time to 1936, where ITG artist Danny Glover met L. Ron Hubbard. The music in ITG is based on the work of 5 artists. One of which, not to name any names (Nina), snuck into the other artists' rooms, killed them, and stole their songs and chips.


    * 1 Hazards
    * 2 DDR vs. ITG
    * 3
    * 4 Legal issues
    * 5 ITG3's preview
    * 6 NAT05 Finals
    * 7 References


The ITG2 dedicabs have all been fixed with a number of defense mechanisms, such as land mines and buzz saws. This is to prevent any sabotage from the DDR loyalists as well as to keep inexperienced n00bs from spreading their filth all over the pad. Roxor was also able to create harder songs with more difficult ratings after sacrificing two Iraqi prisoners of war to Satan. Also, Jewish ITG lobbyist Jack Abramoff bribed several Republican senators into passing a law allowing the use of 3 and 4 arrow jumps (and even more than 4 arrows at once, for mutated freaks), which can play hell with your joints on playing doubles. This lead to further injuries after its release, putting our nation's Asian population at risk. Lastly, mdawg is a cock sucking shit head.
 DDR vs. ITG

As In The Groove converted more pious Christians into witches, Konami began to look for ways to bring this evil empire to its knees. In 2000, Naoki Maeda forged a mighty song from the fires of Mount Doom and christined it "MAXX to the XXXimum". When it was tested by the focus groups, however, it was very unpopular since they knew that if they let this song come out, ITG would be obliterated with its suckitude. So they rejected it, saying it was "too hard" (of course, what they actually meant to say was that it was "too awesome" since they were demons of ITG and liked pretending they were cool). Naoki remixed the song and released it as "The legend of MAX", which was still a song of epic proportions.

Roxor took this opening to release Vertex^2, the song responsible for thousands of nerd deaths. Konami retaliated by creating Fascination MAXX and CHAOS, two unholy creations that defy nature and the law by exceeding the legal number of stops and speed changes. The release of Fascination ~eternal love mix~ attempted to put the final nail in the coffin, as well as fix the timing issues on the already fucked up DDR SuperNOVA machines, but ITG2 is still going strong and gaining strength. This ultimately became a contest between DDR and ITG as to who could kill the most kids. PIU Pro was just there.

The final blow from Roxor came in the form of a little kitty, little kitty mine mine to be exact. This ungodly song has murdered hundreds of thousands of nerds and almost caused the demise of the 4-panel dancing game. Many players have tried passing this song but the end result is always the same. The world record stands at just 2.63%. At the ITG world cup in 2006, it was the random song chosen for the tie breaker but even the mad skillz of lilq and damien were not up to the challenge. A Warning to all who plan to attempt this song in the future: Make sure you have life insurance and don't forget to bring a towel. *Update - July 27, 2007* As of today, the world record stands at 13.37% by Chuck Norris.

Before the lawsuit became completely legal, Roxor spewed out secret Beta versions of ITG3 before Konami landed the final blow, which ended up turning into a full-blown war. Noaki headed the DDR army whilst Kyle Ward, epic step/song maker extraordinare, lead the ITG army in an all-out battle royale. This great conflict was officially documented by an ITG crony formerly known as "TAKA" in a book called "The War of the Arrows", which accurately depicted the epic, bloody battles which took place during that time, including the destruction of the world when the bioterroristic Jokr never got Kyle Ward and ate a bomb, exploded, and infected the world with STDs.

Baby Black Jesus created on February 32th, 2000
« Last Edit: August 19, 2007, 01:48:40 AM by Milk Chan »


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Re: Hi guys
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2007, 03:20:46 AM »
lemme guess



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Re: Hi guys
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2007, 05:08:35 AM »
I just can't believe I read that whole thing. Christ.

We pressed on. Shortly afterwards, we arrived in a poisonous, post-apocalyptic hell - a sprawling, toxic dumping ground stretching for a mile or two. This is the final resting place for your old TV, computer or mobile phone.