need some srs help

[TimJing]

bad stuff

[Sneaky]

I'd have a very hard time even talking to my girl after she was that irresponsible, knowing what her best friend is like, even without influence of drug/alcohol.  Cheating is being with someone else, male, female, whatever.. at least that's what I think. Unless it was a specialized situation three-some type deal in which all parties were in agreement, this is over the line personally.

Talk to her face to face, ask her what happened, how much she drank, and get her to explain her actions. If she doesn't apologize, I'd take that as either a) she doesn't think you mind or b) she doesn't care  what you think.

[Kulli]

I don't know how qualified I am to talk about this, but I would personally leave her. Bi girls are a no-no for me :/

[TimJing]

She told me she got really sick and "barfed everywhere". I'm gonna skip first hour with her on Wednesday and sit her down somewhere to talk to her. I know I'm definitely going to be asking a LOT of questions, because I really want some answers.

God, this whole thing makes me really sick. I really, really don't want to leave her because of this, but I don't know what to do. I know for a fact that I'm not going to be doing anything sexual with her for some time, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to.

[Sqthreer!]

That is a sticky situation...

Here's how I see it:

1) It IS cheating, no matter how you look at it. Just because it was a girl doesn't change that.
2) The fact that she hasn't apologized for it is concerning. Without knowing her I can't say for sure, but that tells me she doesn't regret what she did. Not yet, anyway.
3) If you really do love her, don't let the relationship end because of this. But if I were you, I'd let her know that if anything like it ever happened again, it would be over. That totally depends on your perspective, though. If you do mention that, pay attention to her reaction, because it could give you some clues as to how she feels about this whole thing.

You're definitely handling it well. A lot of people I know of just jump to conclusions and pass judgments right away, which usually ends up in a much worse situation. But really, what you need is a really good talk, like you said you were going to do.

[TimJing]

Thank you, sq3r, for putting that so well. That helps me immensely. After we have our talk I'll be able to pass some more judgments and things.

[NewF]

3) If you really do love her, don't let the relationship end because of this. But if I were you, I'd let her know that if anything like it ever happened again, it would be over.

And just to add...MAKE DAMN WELL SURE, that you make it 1000000000000000000000000% clear to her, that she dosen't do it again. I've had it before where QUITE A FEW girls cheated on me, and I sternly told them, that if they ever did it again....they're history. And what do they go do? They do it again. Alot of girls think..."well he let me off with it the first time, maybe I can get away with it again"
Best way to tell i'd say....see how she reacts when you talk to her. From my experience... If shes just sympathetic, and dosen't seem to really have much of a big reaction (I.E - crying, repeatedly apologizing, etc.) Then I can't guarantee she wont do it again. Then again...Thats just from personal experience. When the girls cheated on me, they weren't really too sympathetic about it, and basically let it roll off their shoulders.

Make sure she dosen't walk all over you. You be in control of the situation, and let her know that you're serious about this.

Hope this helps. if not, then I guess I suck

Honestly though, I know how you feel. its fucked up when shit like this happens. I've been fucked around SO MANY times by girls, and it starts to get old, until you eventually say, "Fuck it, i'm not showing interest, i'll let them come to me" kinda thing.

[Zakamiro]

I have to agree with the consensus so far... Basically, like what's been said so far (or what I've at least comprehended from what I read), I'd give her one last shot.

I mean, it kinda sucks, because now it gives her a feeling like you can't entirely trust her anymore and she has a shorter leash. So, I'd be sure to clarify that you can still trust her (if you still do, which I assume that you do), and that it isn't even something that should even be brought to attention. Perhaps I should clarify... There's no need she would have to think about the idea of only having one chance left, unless she was tempted to do it again. It's really just a non-issue. Kind of like the game. (sorry, you lost.) You know about it, but once you think about it again, you lose. So, she could know about it, but should there be anything to cause her to remember, then fail.

But then again, you are more aware of your relationship with her, and such. I'm pretty sure you'll make a good decision. But yeah, that's my two bits, and I must say... I can't applaud you enough for being so cool-headed about it and wanting to talk it out. That's by far the best thing you could do, in my opinion.

Anyway, best of luck with that, TimJing; I sincerely mean it. I know we all have your back 100% of the way. (at least I know I do... hahaha)

[MortifiedocAlot]

Well their are two types of people when they get drunk, the kind that "act" too drunk and try and get away with stupid things, or the kind that DO get too drunk and do stupid things. Since she's small and all, I'm saying she's probably the latter. Also since she was with a friend you could say her guard was down, she wouldn't be as relaxed as she was, even completely trashed, with strangers. I'd definitely try talking it over with her before jumping to any conclusions. I'm not speaking from any personal experience, but by the sounds of the situation she just made a mistake, it happens. Plus girls (from what I've heard, don't quote me on it) go threw sort of a bi stage when younger.

[Bobbias]

Wow, that is fucked up.

Seeing as she's tiny and such, she is most likely one of those types to get seriously fucked up and when drinks too much, and likely didn't have much control over the situation.

If she was taken advantage of, I wouldn't say it's cheating. Just because they're both girls doesn't mean it isn't rape. And I should point out that it's still rape, as far as I know, if she agrees to it because she was drunk.

Now, since she hasn't apologized, I'm thinking that she doesn't think it's such a big deal. She probably thinks that since it was a one time thing, and because she was drunk, and such, that it isn't such a big deal. I'd definitely make sure she understands that you DO take it as a big deal.

I will stress what Sqthreer said earlier: If you really love her, do NOT let this end your relationship. I've seen a lot of people end relationships with people they REALLY care about, for some stupid reason without really trying to make things work.

Personally, I'd have a somewhat different view of things if my girlfriend did something like that. I wouldn't be as outraged as you seem to be, but I would still tell her that I don't want her doing that again. My GF also has some somewhat bi tenancies, but I can't see her doing anything like that, anyway, alcohol or not.

I really hope things work out with you guys.

[TimJing]

Yeah, she told me she doesn't think it was a big deal at all, but still hasn't apologized for it. She's texted me like 5 times today, and I replied to a few of them, until I finally decided to just turn my phone off because I was tired of telling her not to talk to me. I just wish tomorrow would hurry up and come so I can get this mess over with. I'll definitely tell you guys how it went tomorrow.

I'm also not really outraged, just very upset (and hurt, I guess). I told a few people about the situation at school and they all also agree that I took things VERY well. That's definitely for the better.

[Sqthreer!]

Is your girlfriend the kind of person who doesn't like to feel vulnerable or inferior in any way? I ask this because of the fact that she hasn't apologized about the situation. She might feel like she needs to convince you that it wasn't a big deal so that you don't "have anything" on her. You know what I mean? That's just one theory of mine, cause it's really weird that she wouldn't apologize for something like that after you said how good your relationship is.

[TimJing]

Is your girlfriend the kind of person who doesn't like to feel vulnerable or inferior in any way? I ask this because of the fact that she hasn't apologized about the situation. She might feel like she needs to convince you that it wasn't a big deal so that you don't "have anything" on her. You know what I mean? That's just one theory of mine, cause it's really weird that she wouldn't apologize for something like that after you said how good your relationship is.

I have no idea.

[Sqthreer!]

She sounds kinda like me XD As far as the having self-esteem issues but still considering myself superior to most people I meet. It's really weird. I haven't ever taken any drugs for it, though.

It seems like the guilt might be setting in for her from what you describe. Or maybe just worry for what might become of the relationship? But that line, "... you have no idea what it's done to me." sounds either like a good thing or a bad thing. The good would be that she feels really remorseful about it, the bad would be that she realized she's a lesbian or something :p (not to make light of the situation, because I highly doubt that's the case.) Also, it is strange that she questioned your loyalty to her, and rather than ask if you were with someone else, she just assumed. Does she have any reason to be so presumptuous? If not, she probably just said it to try to "get your goat" and make you reply to her and clarify that she's wrong. Again, the only thing I'm basing MY assumptions on is the manner in which she's phrasing things, I don't know her enough for what I'm saying to be concrete, obviously.

I think it's good you're waiting to talk face-to-face. You really can't have a real talk with someone any other way, because there are certain things in a person's face, voice, and other physical actions that tell a hell of a lot more than text messages ever can. Definitely don't absorb too much of anything she sends at you through text or voicemail, because it's easy to fabricate emotions that way. I'm not calling her a liar, but people do odd things in odd situations.

[TimJing]

Does she have any reason to be so presumptuous? If not, she probably just said it to try to "get your goat" and make you reply to her and clarify that she's wrong. Again, the only thing I'm basing MY assumptions on is the manner in which she's phrasing things, I don't know her enough for what I'm saying to be concrete, obviously.

I think it's good you're waiting to talk face-to-face. You really can't have a real talk with someone any other way, because there are certain things in a person's face, voice, and other physical actions that tell a hell of a lot more than text messages ever can. Definitely don't absorb too much of anything she sends at you through text or voicemail, because it's easy to fabricate emotions that way. I'm not calling her a liar, but people do odd things in odd situations.

I agree completely. I know tomorrow she's going to pour out a lot of things, because I've denied her the ability to let them trickle out over the past few days. And she did say those things and use that phrasing just to push my buttons, which she admits she likes to do (although this is kind of a drastic example of that).

All I can do is wait for tomorrow morning. Gah, it's driving me nuts. If she blows this off I'm going to flip a lid.