Funny Quotes (online and IRL)

[MortifiedocAlot]

I had a family dinner tonight, and my Grandma was talking about how she fell in her kitchen after her operation. My grandpa replied "I thought you were doing a trick, like standing on your head or something" and I laughed so damn hard.

I suppose his set up was better, but you get the point.

[MortifiedocAlot]

cOheed33633 (10:13:07 PM): omg. ur insaine
Auto-response: Mortifiedocalot is away (10:13:10 PM)
Not even slightly worksafe.

http://mowtendoo.com/
Mortifiedocalot (10:14:32 PM): did you click that link?
cOheed33633 (10:14:38 PM): yes
cOheed33633 (10:14:44 PM): ew
Mortifiedocalot (10:15:01 PM): IWARNED YOU
cOheed33633 (10:15:17 PM): i didnt understand the not worksafeness
Mortifiedocalot (10:16:07 PM): You have to admit, that's some good music
cOheed33633 (10:16:28 PM): riiiiiiiiiight\

[Sneaky]

Night time, outside gameworks in the parking lot, standing with my date by her car.

Another group of 3 or 4 people walk by, get in their car a few spaces down, pull away, and some chick yells "FUCK EACH OTHER ALREADY"

har de har

[Bobbias]

lol, nice. Yeah, people do that occasionally around here too.

But I haven't heard one that was genuinely funny for some time.

[OmegaOmni]

At work we have a white board on the front end that shows the cashier of the week I was on the register that the whiteboard is in front of.  The cashier of the week is named Kayla. This is what the customer asked to me:

Customer: "So you're the cashier of the week?"
Me: *Gives customer the "Are you really a fucking idiot?" stare*....*Politely responds* No, I am not.

My name is on my damn apron...wth he couldn't take a moment to look at the name on my apron...what a dumb fuck.

[Jupi]

Said/heard amongst my friends in the student lounge on Monday:


Girl:  "So yeah, my mom's going to be in the hospital for a while."
Guy 1:  "Aw, that sucks.  Is she sick, or did she get hurt?"
Girl:  "Yeah, she's sick."
Guy 2:  "What does she have?"
Guy 1:  "Well, we know ONE thing for certain!  It's not Lupus!"
*few people that heard laugh a bit*
Girl:  "Actually...It is Lupus."
Room:  "..."


---

Same room, different people:

I forget the beginning of the conversation, but it wound up going this way...

Guy:  "Hey!  I'm 1/3 black!"
Girl:  "Then the other 2/3 of you should be pretty fucking offended by now, don't you think?"

[MortifiedocAlot]

"Step of boy, I'm a bad as fuck dungeon crawler."

[MortifiedocAlot]

update, but largley because I've never reeally agreed with a quote more.

5:18 PM - KblT.: and that video games are targeted to lowest possible denominator that also happens to be the largest

[MortifiedocAlot]

6:07 PM - Shaddox: The only reason people watch interracial porn is the same reason people watch bestiality