Unconditional Guarantee: Your almond toffee failed to calculate my taxes!

[Jupi]

I just love the Consumerist.

    Your Almond Toffee does not work well as a tax preparer. Per your unconditional guarantee, I formally request my monies to be refunded at the earliest possible date to:

    [redacted]

    Please confirm receipt of this email and the issuance of my refund at the earliest opportunity.

    Best regards,

    Bobby

Enstrom quickly replied:

    Thank you for contacting Enstrom Candies Customer Care Department. We would be more then happy to replace the box of toffee as stated in our guarantee. Would you please provide your order number or customer number so I can do so?

    To place an order, please contact Enstrom Candies Call Center at 1-800-367-8766 (24 hours 7 days a week) or visit our website at www.Enstrom.com. Should you need further assistance, please reply to our email or contact Customer Care Department at 1-800-367-8777.

    Jessica Shaner
    Customer Service Representative
    Enstrom Candies

[Alice]

haha what?

[Sneaky]

Hey, your fucking almond toffee did NOT remove the live Cougar from my living room! I demand my money back.

ps It also did not cure my cancer