FUCK. I am never buying western digital again. (disclaimer: I might break this oath.)
Their support site sucks ass. Their forums are tiny, and apparently don't have a single person who actually works for WD or happens to know a lot about their stuff. Their email support is retarded. One person on the forum complained about being on the line for 40 minutes, and nothing, after sending repeated email requests for assistance. I can't find a single bit of help for my problem. My dad plans on going out today and buying a new router now because A) the NOS doesn't apparently work with our current one, and 2) our current one is almost as useless as a aerogel paperweight.
EDIT: Looks like there is some hope! I upgraded my router's firmware, checked the DHCP table again, and lo, it worked!